Just so we know

Lyrics by Shmooey Schmokelberg (aka Fat Splotchy, Esunes [es-uhn-es], B-Wombat, Shlomo, Es)

(the Scammer Jammer Spammer Damner)

Let’s spam and jam the scam god damn

May I have your attention please

May I have your attention please

Will the real Fat Blotchy please shut up

I repeat. Will the real Fat Blotchy please shut up

We’re gonna have a problem here

In fact we didn't have a problem at all when Fat Splotchy took the stage and unveiled his latest rap; a friendly dig and shout out to his good friend and colleague, Lizard Of Oz.

I've reproduced the lyrics here so we don't forget the message or the genius that is Shmooey.

Verse 1:

Just so we know

even though he has a go

His fro is way too slow to grow

And so is no match for the fros

Of the Quimbo and Shlomo bros

So uh oh what a blow, the fro’s a no show

But he goes online

and calls the scammer’s phones

He still feels how unreal

are the deals they try to seal

But still he can’t reveal

the shit that they conceal

And sure, that’s not ideal

but he knows that the appeal

Of them tugging on the reel

and the ordeal he makes them feel

Is fucking so surreal

that it doesn’t seem so real

So he can keep up the fight

though it’s all through the night

Sleep can wait for the light

‘cause he loves to feel them bite

When he shoves the bait in sight

and despite the victim’s plight

They hang on extra tight

‘cause they don’t know wrong from right

Or they do, but they don’t care

once a victim is in their snare.

Chorus:

You gotta bite your tongue

And let the scammers run

Their crappy scripts until

The fools reveal their mules

Then you can pull the plug

But then they’ll act all smug

And say they knew the sting

Right from the big ning (yo)

Verse 2:

He must allow their lies

And keep his powder dry

‘cause he needs to waste their time

and document their crime

‘til the money trail’s revealed

and the mule’s fate is sealed.

He has to keep it real

Though it’s hard to see or feel

He just can’t believe their shpiel

So he has to stash his deepest fears

Pretend he craves their sleazy deals

When he just wants the big reveal

Where he gets to hear them squeal

And the abuse gets diabolical

Incestuous and gynaecological

It’s all so obvious and banal

Involving insertion that’s always anal