The Schmokelberg Enigma
how does he do what he does?
The living legend that is Quimbo
The story of the legend that is Quimbo Shmooey Schmokelberg-Keweembeaux-Fotheringham-Smythe, like his name, is too lengthy to be fully recounted here. The details of his family’s origin in Africa and their subsequent relocation after his grandfather’s abdication to marry Quimbo’s grandmother of the Schmokelberg dynasty are really not relevant to his later illustrious career.
Neither is his grandfather’s role in discovering their link to the lost tribes of Israel that will forever ink the name of Keweembeau “Quimbo” Schmokelberg-Keweembeaux into the history books, relevant.
Although Quimbo’s father, the other legend, Shlomo “Shmooey” Schmokelberg-Keweembeaux-Fotheringham-Smythe, who took on the heavy responsibility of a tri-hyphenated surname in deference to his bride, the majestic Elizabeth Fotheringham-Smythe, played a crucial role in shaping the young Quimbo, he let Quimbo choose his own path in life, only bestowing upon the boy a love of truth, a thirst for knowledge, a modest trust fund and two nicknames in place of “real names” (as the family “historians” would have it).
Quimbo cut his legal teeth during the great "Railroad Wars of the 1970s
Barney Burnside then introduced Quimbo to Colonel Calvin Montgomery Klaxon. Quimbo then served as the Colonel's paralegal in the so called “Railroad Wars” of the 1970s. Along with Colonel Klaxon they successfully sued both Richard Milhous Nixon and Gerald Rudolf Ford; the first time sitting Presidents of the United States had been found guilty of defamation in a court of law. These were harrowing times for the young Quimbo who came under considerable pressure from political operatives who attempted to bring persuasive influence to bear on both Quimbo and Colonel Klaxon.
Convinced that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics should be subject to the will of an intelligent agent, Quimbo developed his "Door Bitch" loophole.
After the triumphant reception of this work on propitious possession, Quimbo took, in his words, “a Scientific sabbatical” returning to his interest in Physics to develop his challenge to both the concept of strict entropic increase, and to the traditional refutation of the “Maxwell’s Demon” strategy. This lead in turn to the alternative strategy known as “Schmokelberg’s Door Bitch”.
To draw attention to what he saw as Physics’ disregard of the role of intelligence in physical laws that were statistical in nature, he notoriously launched a campaign to repeal the Second Law of Thermodynamics which lead in turn to the Second Law being compared to Occam’s Razor, the law of biogenesis, Hector Barbossa’s view of “Pirate Parley” and even his own creation, “Schmokelberg’s Razor” in that they are all “more of a guideline than a rule”.
Quimbo has also become a minor celebrity and has prompted discussion and investigation into early concepts of celestial mechanics by revealing his family tradition of invoking the heavens to proceed on course with the ritual handed down since “the dawn of time”, that they carry out on a nightly basis for what has been estimated to be around 7,000 years. His retelling of the “We All Know” ritual has been doubted by many but is taken seriously by scholars of the development of scientific thought because of its uncanny accuracy in describing the role of gravity (the “Great Kwim Beau”) in maintaining the Earth's orbit around the Sun.
The world awaits in breathless anticipation for the next stage in the development of Quimbo’s ongoing contribution to humanity’s understanding of it’s place in the Universe.
Having spent 14 years at University, Quimbo finally ventured out into the world
Having surpassed all expectations in his foray into education, young Quimbo had his choice of careers. His fields of expertise included philosophy, physics, law, finance, genetics, mathematics and computer science.
His first role was with a since deregistered legal firm which ran afoul of the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) who found that their practices had violated the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA). In the washup from that debacle, Quimbo, along with Barnstable Bainbridge "Barney" Burnside (lately of Klaxon and Burnside), had to strike a deal with Russian and Saudi Oligarchs to cease providing advice to multinational firms and secret government enterprises in return for their undertaking to not have either of them killed. It was an offer that they felt they couldn't refuse.
After his harrowing experiences with Russian and Saudi Oligarchs and US Presidents, Quimbo retreated back to his academic career.
At this stage Quimbo retreated back to academia and took up a position teaching Jurisprudence, Ethics, and History and Philosophy of the Law to Jurisprudence students. It was during this stage that he developed the now famous philosophical/ethical concept that came to be known as “Schmokelberg’s Razor”. He also produced his seminal work “Ten Tenths of the Law” on the history and implications of the so called “No Takesies Back” law (also known as the “S.O.L. Law” by law students after the incorporation of the principle introduced by the Normans into the Magna Carta as “If the party of the first part willingly transfers property to the party of the second part, the party of the second part is entitled to all benefits accruing from ownership of said property while the party of the first part has no recourse under law to recover said property” where the students claim that the party of the first part is deemed to be “Shit Out of Luck”, hence the “SOL Law”).
Quimbo's "Scientific sabbatical" resulted in great advances in the understanding of entropy and thermodynamics and of the role of intelligent agents in the operation of statistical processes.
Being refreshed by this “sabbatical”, Quimbo returned to the law to establish (along with Robert S. Finkelmeier, Dzhenya Y. Mikhailov, Kanishka S. Dhabuwala and Eliana N. Al-Khalili) the firm of Finkelmeier Mikhailov Dhabuwala Schmokelberg Al-Khalili, disparagingly known by their opponents as the “unnecessary aitches” and even, using a Pareto-based classification, as the thinly veiled “Class B-aitches” because of the preponderance of unvoiced aitches in their names. Quimbo was instrumental in forming their attitude of “Always do the unexpected - it really fucks with them” which is incorporated into their motto as “Semper inopenata facimus - ea eos perturbat”. Although the firm provides Confidential Legal and Financial Services to Multinationals, secret Government Enterprises and Oligarchs, Quimbo is contractually obligated (upon penalty of forfeiture of life) to not be engaged in this side of the firm's operation.
The Schmokelberg family's "We All Know" ritual said to keep the Earth orbiting the Sun.
Disclaimer: This could be true or it may be bullshit. Do your own research to decide which.